DESDEMONA’s SILENCE

Here they are…., sitting on the beach, playing with that sand. More than 15 minutes had passed since they came. Now…let’s try to listen to what they are speaking. After all, eavesdropping on lovers’ speech should be honey to ears ;-) are we not feeling tooooo bored watching those waves!?

Uma: mhmhm…yeah… of course…(thinking calmly)…silence is….one of the toughest things to be understood. Sometimes, it’s painful; sometimes, too sweet and gentle; serene and sublime. Sometimes…..it’s surprising; sometimes, comforting and reassuring and….ah... sometimes, it’s… rude and shocking too….i..ahhmmh…agree to what you say(looking at him with a mild mischievous smile).

Ezhil: soooo… u agree, that silence is very difficult to be understood…tough to be interpreted?!

Uma nods her head.

Ezhil: then….(in a very friendly tone) why don’t you respond to my calls sometimes? Don’t you understand, It feels very much uncomfortable-not knowing the reason why you are silent?! It is…..kind of a…. (Knitting his brows and thinking and eyeing down)mhmh...sort of  a…pppp…pain, u can say(twitching his left end of the bottom lip as if he feels the pain right now as he says)

He stretches his right-hand and slowly but firmly places on her left hand. She ….stays still; does not react; stays calm counting the waves sweeping the shores. She seemed to accept without any protest.  She says nothing.

She knows very well, he feels assured by placing his hand on hers; slightly gripping her backhand and all fingers into his fist. She knows very well that Ezhil does this whenever he feels like missing her. And she knows very well that this is more than sufficient for ezhil to stay calm and balanced for another couple of weeks.

She very well knows if she just lets him hold her palm, ezhil would feel secure; he’ll be assured that he is ACCEPTED as her friend. More than that, ‘SHE’ ‘PERMITS’ him to hold her palm, and….THAT is all that matters to him. It’s HER ACCEPTANCE that’s more important than anything else to him.

She knows very well….that there is ANOTHER girl that rules his heart.

And he…..knows that, beyond any doubt, ‘THAT’ (only holding her palm) is his limit; that he has been given the rights of just a FRIEND, and nothing more. He very well knows that she won’t permit anything more, nor does he want to go beyond. He knows very well that BEING ACCEPTED as s FRIEND, itself is a greater honour; particularly after getting rejected in his previous personal relationship, this thought got bolstered very deep. He knows the limits of both a GATE-classes-instructor and a student. He’s very much mindful of their age differences.

He is ABSOLUTELY convinced (from his previous experience) that “BEING TRUSTED”… is a greater honour than “BEING LOVED”. So he never wants to cross his limits.

And he knows very well….that there’s ANOTHER boy that’s the king of her heart.

It is a very thin gray line that they are treading along…., without CROSSING. At first look, one may tend to think that…they are lovers. But the fact is, they are NOT. Both were unlucky in their own loves; that means, both suffered the heart ache of unrequited loves….individually. One seemed to understand the pain of the other. Each felt that they shared the same boat or fate, whatever you prefer to call it. It was gentle EMPATHY, rather than simple sympathy. They both have failed in their past. They both knew that they chitchat only to forget the pain, to forget the painful past.

They are just friends-a little too close. Though they seem to enjoy each other’s company, actually, each was… a kind of a…cure to the injury the other suffered.

It was just….a comforting presence. Nothing more.

Ezhil: …..(deeply thinking, slowly asked) I have told you the story of…othello, right?

Uma: …(teasingly) ohmy god…a 1000 times. Not again. Don’t start again….pleasseeeeeeeeee(begged him, with a smile)

              But she knows, every time he told her that story, she was drawn closer to him.

Ezhil: ….stared blankly….

Uma: (observing that he’s upset)…by the way…. What about that…now?

Ezhil: u know….desdemona too remains…silent….in one scene! தமிழ்ல சொன்னா கையறுநிலைத் துறை..……

Uma: ….looked quizzed…

Ezhil: yeah….. There is this scene… (thinking deeper) I think…it’s the final act…. Desdemona understands that she has completely failed to convince Othello of her innocence. She’s unable to convince him with her arguments. She has nothing concrete to defend her case. She is NOT GIVEN the chance to prove her innocence. Above all…she’s being accused by her HUSBAND himself and that is unbearable to her……… More than proving or disproving, the FACT that her HUSBAND had REALLY SUSPECTED her, is the most painful. THIS fact shakes her to the core. This bitter FACT quiet vanquishes her; smothers her speech; numbs her thinking process. THIS makes her, resign. This makes her, accept whatever befalls without moaning or complaining; BECAUSE, her husband HIMSELF…had suspected her…then what’s beyond this?, particularly when she has NOTHING TO HIDE from him. She feels empty, accepts her fate and remains silent. (Raising sight and looking at her)… don’t you see how painful that silence is!?

Uma: …..remains silent….

Ezhil: please try to understand this uma….(pauses a second)… (gently looks at her)Silence…., is not the right answer… always. Silence….., is not sweet, always.    Soo……(looking at the endlessly-stretched and strangely-violet-tinged-horizon, searching for words to convince her)…

Uma nods her head approvingly, but in silence.

ANBÉ SIVAM

            Anbe Sivam is one of my favorite movies.

Anbe Sivam portrays various incidents that 2 men come across in their journey from bhuavaneswar, Orissa to Chennai, Tamilnadu.

In the very beginning of the movie, in the airport scene, Madhavan mistakes Kamal for a terrorist and makes nonsense, highlighting the influence of media- over men’s behavior pattern/outlook formation, taking override over common sense. Interestingly madhavan himself plays the role of a young, modern ad-film maker in the movie.

Then, on arriving at the hotel booked by the airport authorities, madhavan steps out of the taxi letting in the flood water fill the car. While he lugs himself out of the flood water, there are few kids playing and enjoying in the flood water; this seemed to highlight how different set of people, view the same situation in different ways. Then comes the hotel story, in which madhavan returns Kamal’s bags only after being given his mobile-suggesting that, for madhavan, helping others is just a return of favor, not a natural attitude-which finds no first initiation. Madhavan is portrayed to help others in a business-like manner-give and take; principle of any ordinary man.

On one scene, the duo is at ichapuram railway station. While waiting for the train, they get engaged in a casual relaxed chat; as the chat, Kamal claims himself to be a …kind of messenger, and says he first met his beloved-girl (kiran) while giving messages to the public. While telling about his girl, Kamal gets carried away and starts telling about their second meeting too, without noticing that madhavan has already left his seat.

“Love gets a man carried away, drives him emotional, purifies his heart and mind, makes him subtle and gentle, instills in him best of thoughts, and inspires him to do great deeds”. If NOT, then, I think, IT is….NOT love.

Flashback starts. Kamal relives his past.

Then comes their second meeting-that makes them like each other’s company. Over time, they get into love without declaring anything; tacitly. Kamal gets a chance to do a painting in Nasser’s office building; in that painting, he ingrains his ideals into the ideals of Nasser, indirectly marking the philosophical differences of their principles. And at the same time, Nasser comes to know about their love, and sets men to dispose-off with kamal. Kamal and friends fight them off, but get jailed in framed case. Kiran bails him out. This is smelled by Nasser and shuts his daughter at home, banning her from going out and meet kamal.

Secretely they meet at a theater, though kamal tries to put an end to it citing reasons, their love comes to light plainly after kiran insists; and Kamal’s friends plan to get them married in Kerala.

As kamal prepares to leave for kerala, there are 2 more people revealing their failed loves; and in both the cases, remarkably, failed-parties neither stop nor try to win their beloved; they just let their beloved go, out of love.

Kamal travels to kerala, but on the way, bus meets with an accident, injuring kamal severely and killing his closest aide among others. Kamal gets hospitalized, and is visited by Nasser who tells kamal that it was god’s punishment for his trying to get married to his daughter. Further Nasser says, kamal is only alive by just 10% and reasons with him that he cannot accept an only-10%-alive-cadaver to marry. He suggests kamal to die, kamal too nods.

Kamal recovers after many months and comes to Nasser’s home to meet kiran. Nasser says she’s married and is pregnant. He further says that he had committed only one mistake of telling his daughter that kamal is dead. And he warns kamal, not to make him a murderer too. Again he makes an offer of money to which kamal sneeringly answers, “unga paNaththukku paNinjO, balathukku bayandhO,  ….poren-nu nenaikkadhinga…. Kaadhal keedhal-nu sonneengale,…..andha kaadhalukkaahadhaan poren….. Unga ponnai poruththavarai naan seththavanavae irundhukkaren”, and walks away.

Then kamal visits the accident spot and adopts the dog that helped people identify him and eventually save him.

Flashback ends here. Back to present.

Back at ichapuram railway station. Kamal and madhavan start a discussion and coromandal train too arrives in the meantime. Their discussion becomes a little violent argument, leading ultimately to separation of kamal from madhavan.

Madhavan entering into his compartment, meets a very formally clad, Sanskrit-English-speaking, seemingly well-educated, multifaceted Uththaman. Uththaman offers madhavan a glass of whisky (which is drugged) and takes away his entire luggage when madhavan is fast asleep. Madhavan is woken up by ticket examiner to announce delay because of an accident en route.

Getting down at the accident spot, madhavan sees the gory side of an accident and also meets kamal & sister Vanessa. Madhavan is convinced to donate blood to a boy battling for life. This team of three, along with a doctor and driver, then travel together in an ambulance towards Chennai to admit the battling boy for ICU treatment.

Unfortunately the boy dies on the way. Madhavan, overwhelmed with disappointment and emotion, weeps and raises questions over the existence of god in grief and anger. Kamal looks at him meaningfully and smiles; madhavan immediately collects himself, balances and apologizes to god, telling he’s not an atheist like kamal.

The discussion then follows is worth a million; should be watched at least a couple of times repeatedly to get the gist of it.

“munnap pinna theriyaadha oru paiyanukkaaha kaNNeer vidara andha manasu irukke…., adhaan kadavul.”  (a heart that weeps for a boy-whom you do not know at all….that’s what is god)

They then resume their journey in the same ambulance and deliver the cadaver to his parents in chennai. They are thanked by the bereaved family and neighbors and relatives. Madhavan bids adieu but finds kamal’s cheque in his bag and goes to kamal’s home to hand over. There he finds the address holds the union office of kamal and kamal has neither a wife nor a son. Madhavan then learns that kamal has no relatives, moved by the fact and impressed by kamal’s way of life, madhavan forces kamal to go home with him, not just as a familiar-friend, but as an elder brother.

In marriage hall, kamal first finds it’s just his beloved girl, that’s about to get married to madhavan; shocked and helpless, but holds back and hides himself to avoid being recognized by the girl. He’s then identified and whisked away by Nasser into a separate chamber. Kamal forces Nasser to meet the demands of the labour union of his company and Nasser too agrees and signs accord.

“kadavulai yaenga izhukkareenga, neenga ennikkaavadhu queue la ninnu saami kumbittadhu undaa?! Queue-vai veliya niruthi vechchittu, ulla pOi personal dharisanam paakkavar aache neenga. Seiyara thappa ellaam panniputtu, undiyal-la kaasai potturuveenga. Unga paavaththai ellaam mannichchu kadavul kaappaaththuvaaru, illa? Appadi kaappaaththura kadavul, kadavulae illa. Coolie…., yaen-na avarum kaasu vaangittudhaane vaelai seiyaraaru?! Mhmhm?”

Here also Nasser, in his limited perception, is shown to interpret this in a way different from …or rather opposite to what kamal intends to mean.

Kamal gives him a letter to be delivered to madhavan, which gets passed to sandhaanabharathi and is read by him; reading the contents reveals the good heart of kamal and converts sandhanabharathi into a harmless man. Signing the agreements with union leaders is greeted by sandhaanabharathi, but Nasser plans to kill kamal. Knowing his intensions, sandhaanabharathi takes that responsibility on him, only to spare kamal’s life and alert him of this life-threat.

Meanwhile madhavan receives the letter and shows it to his would-be wife and requests her to read it as the handwriting is better intelligible to her. She reads, realizing the gravity and seriousness of the message, madhavan takes and reads. Kamal’s resonating voice articulates the rest to us. Letter contains the apparent reasons for his leaving.

As kamal walks away from marriage hall, he’s cornered at a dead end of the road by sandhaanabharathi, with a long, deadly sickle in his hand, ready to be wielded on kamal. Knowing he can’t escape, kamal admits he can’t even run but tries to protect his dog. But sandhaanabharathi informs him that he had read the letter and spares kamal, revealing he’s a changed man now.

Sandhaanabharathi: “idhukku maelaiyum nallavangalukku naan thappu panninen-nu vechchikkOngalaen, enakku andha saami nalla saave kodukkaadhu. Enakku saami nambikka irukku thambhi, ungalukku eppadiyo!”

Kamal : “enakkum irukku”

Sandhaanabharathi : “appadingalaa, endha saami?!”

To this question kamal points fingers at sandhaanabharathi himself, and says,

“Oruththana kollanum-nu vandhittu, manasa maaththikkittu, mannippum kaetkara manushan irukkaanae, adhaan ennaip poruththavaraikkum saami” (a man comes to kill…, after changing mind, he is also asking for forgiveness…, in my view, that is what is GOD)

Kamal walks away.

LOVE metamorphoses humanity into divinity.