Friday, October 5, 2012

DESDEMONA’s SILENCE


Here they are…., sitting on the beach, playing with that sand. More than 15 minutes had passed since they came. Now…let’s try to listen to what they are speaking. After all, eavesdropping on lovers’ speech should be honey to ears ;-) are we not feeling tooooo bored watching those waves!?

Uma: mhmhm…yeah… of course…(thinking calmly)…silence is….one of the toughest things to be understood. Sometimes, it’s painful; sometimes, too sweet and gentle; serene and sublime. Sometimes…..it’s surprising; sometimes, comforting and reassuring and….ah... sometimes, it’s… rude and shocking too….i..ahhmmh…agree to what you say(looking at him with a mild mischievous smile).

Ezhil: soooo… u agree, that silence is very difficult to be understood…tough to be interpreted?!
Uma nods her head.

Ezhil: then….(in a very friendly tone) why don’t you respond to my calls sometimes? Don’t you understand, It feels very much uncomfortable-not knowing the reason why you are silent?! It is…..kind of a…. (Knitting his brows and thinking and eyeing down)mhmh...sort of  a…pppp…pain, u can say(twitching his left end of the bottom lip as if he feels the pain right now as he says)

He stretches his right-hand and slowly but firmly places on her left hand. She ….stays still; does not react; stays calm counting the waves sweeping the shores. She seemed to accept without any protest.  She says nothing.

She knows very well, he feels assured by placing his hand on hers; slightly gripping her backhand and all fingers into his fist. She knows very well that Ezhil does this whenever he feels like missing her. And she knows very well that this is more than sufficient for ezhil to stay calm and balanced for another couple of weeks.

She very well knows if she just lets him hold her palm, ezhil would feel secure; he’ll be assured that he is ACCEPTED as her friend. More than that, ‘SHE’ ‘PERMITS’ him to hold her palm, and….THAT is all that matters to him. It’s HER ACCEPTANCE that’s more important than anything else to him.

She knows very well….that there is ANOTHER girl that rules his heart.

And he…..knows that, beyond any doubt, ‘THAT’ (only holding her palm) is his limit; that he has been given the rights of just a FRIEND, and nothing more. He very well knows that she won’t permit anything more, nor does he want to go beyond. He knows very well that BEING ACCEPTED as s FRIEND, itself is a greater honour; particularly after getting rejected in his previous personal relationship, this thought got bolstered very deep. He knows the limits of both a GATE-classes-instructor and a student. He’s very much mindful of their age differences.

He is ABSOLUTELY convinced (from his previous experience) that “BEING TRUSTED”… is a greater honour than “BEING LOVED”. So he never wants to cross his limits.

And he knows very well….that there’s ANOTHER boy that’s the king of her heart.

It is a very thin gray line that they are treading along…., without CROSSING. At first look, one may tend to think that…they are lovers. But the fact is, they are NOT. Both were unlucky in their own loves; that means, both suffered the heart ache of unrequited loves….individually. One seemed to understand the pain of the other. Each felt that they shared the same boat or fate, whatever you prefer to call it. It was gentle EMPATHY, rather than simple sympathy. They both have failed in their past. They both knew that they chitchat only to forget the pain, to forget the painful past.

They are just friends-a little too close. Though they seem to enjoy each other’s company, actually, each was… a kind of a…cure to the injury the other suffered.

It was just….a comforting presence. Nothing more.

Ezhil: …..(deeply thinking, slowly asked) I have told you the story of…othello, right?

Uma: …(teasingly) ohmy god…a 1000 times. Not again. Don’t start again….pleasseeeeeeeeee(begged him, with a smile)

              But she knows, every time he told her that story, she was drawn closer to him.

Ezhil: ….stared blankly….

Uma: (observing that he’s upset)…by the way…. What about that…now?

Ezhil: u know….desdemona too remains…silent….in one scene! தமிழ்ல சொன்னா கையறுநிலைத் துறை..……

Uma: ….looked quizzed…

Ezhil: yeah….. There is this scene… (thinking deeper) I think…it’s the final act…. Desdemona understands that she has completely failed to convince Othello of her innocence. She’s unable to convince him with her arguments. She has nothing concrete to defend her case. She is NOT GIVEN the chance to prove her innocence. Above all…she’s being accused by her HUSBAND himself and that is unbearable to her……… More than proving or disproving, the FACT that her HUSBAND had REALLY SUSPECTED her, is the most painful. THIS fact shakes her to the core. This bitter FACT quiet vanquishes her; smothers her speech; numbs her thinking process. THIS makes her, resign. This makes her, accept whatever befalls without moaning or complaining; BECAUSE, her husband HIMSELF…had suspected her…then what’s beyond this?, particularly when she has NOTHING TO HIDE from him. She feels empty, accepts her fate and remains silent. (Raising sight and looking at her)… don’t you see how painful that silence is!?

Uma: …..remains silent….

Ezhil: please try to understand this uma….(pauses a second)… (gently looks at her)Silence…., is not the right answer… always. Silence….., is not sweet, always.    Soo……(looking at the endlessly-stretched and strangely-violet-tinged-horizon, searching for words to convince her)…

Uma nods her head approvingly, but in silence.



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